How are you? I just had to send you this letter to tell you how much I love you and care about you, I saw you yesterday as you were walking with your friends. I waited all day, hoping you would talk to Me also. As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you, and I waited. You never came. Oh, yes, it hurt Me, but I still love you because I am your friend.
I saw you fall asleep last night; and I longed to touch your brow, so I spilled moonlight upon your pillow and face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you.
You awakened late and rushed off for the day... My tears were in the rain. Today you looked so sad, so alone. It makes my heart ache because I understand. My friends let me down and hurt Me many times, too. But I love you. I try to tell you in the quiet green grass; I whisper it in the leaves and trees, and breathe it in the colors of the flowers. I shout it to you in the mountain stream, and give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air. My love for you is deeper than oceans and bigger than the biggest want or need you have.
We will spend eternity together in heaven. I know how hard it is on earth. I really know (because I was there), and I want to help you. My Father wants to help you too. He's that way, you know. Just call Me, ask Me, talk to Me. It is your decision. I have chosen you, and because of this will wait.....Because I love you.
Your Friend,
Jesus
The Baptist preacher declared: "He would obviously be Baptist! We're so on fire with the zeal for God, just like He was when He was on earth. He'd join us in a heartbeat!"
The Presbyterian minister stated: "Not so! He'd be a Presbyterian! We do everything properly and in order, and give the Glory to God, just like He did. He'd join us immediately!"
The Lutheran pastor sat silent for a minute. Then he stated: "Ya'll each have some good points, I must admit. But He'd never change."
THIS AND THAT' ...
Joy, humor, faith on the net!
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a
long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many
cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant
motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if
everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business."
That's a mouthful!
Two men are standing on the front lawn of a church. One man is leaning on the church's sign and the other is looking at it from the front. The sign reads:
Bible Believing, Hand Clapping, Foot Stomping, Hemlines Below
the Knee,
Tie Wearing, Blood Washed,
Coffee-And-Donuts-During-Sunday-School
Eating, Council of Nicaea Appreciating, Non-Denominational
CHURCH
The man leaning on the sign is saying, "When you don't believe in written creeds, you have to squeeze a lot of doctrine into your name."
When You can't sleep,
Don't count sheep...
Talk to the Shepherd.
It's difficult to soar,
With Eagles...
When you work.
With Turkeys
They have gone and
am their leader
If we knew anything,
we wouldn't be here
He's always watching...
A burglar was cruising through one of our posh
suburbs looking for a target of opportunity. At one house he saw a truck
unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video outfit. All the gear
had to cost thousands of dollars. He made a mental note and went on his
way.
The next day he was back in the same neighborhood.
When he drove past the house with all the goodies, he saw an elderly
couple loading suitcases into the trunk of their car. He could hardly
wait.
That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy
fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one
answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in.
It was pitch black inside as he made his way
through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he
expected to find the things he wanted to steal.
"I see you and Jesus sees you," a voice said.
The burglar froze in his tracks.
"I see you and Jesus sees you," the voice said again.
When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shinned it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch.
"I see you and Jesus sees you."
The burglar laughed. "Just a dumb bird," he said.
The burglar closed the drapes before turning on a lamp and that's when he saw a big and mean looking Doberman Pinscher sitting beneath the parrot's perch.
"Sic him, Jesus!" the parrot said.
A Voice From On High
A blurb from Rolley and Wells column, SL Trib:
In fact, they didn't notice a Sandy City police car behind them, until the officer advised over his loudspeaker, "Think of a hymn, elders."
Does "There is Beauty All Around" seem appropriate? :-)
... Gee, I hope if they thought of "Abide with me 'Tis Eventide"
and that they thought of the words as opposed to the title.
How to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses:
1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry. (immediate results)
2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how
long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.
3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?"
This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing
bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.
4. Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the "Alpha and Omega's"
identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly. You may have to resort to
another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely
make them sweat.
5. Excuse yourself from your sitting room (or wherever) and DO NOT
come back.
6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls. (bookie,
order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL
there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last
Witnesses who visited you.)
7. Pick an oft repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus, heaven,
it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's
going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.
8. Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.
9. (males only) Feign an intense interest in their spiel. Part way
through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works.
(make encouraging noises [uh huh, I see...] throughout and if they ask
you what you're doing, pull a #7) If they're still there when you are
done, Ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date
in ten minutes.
10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
Is Barney Satan? You Decide...
The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for printing.
Hence the Roman representation would for Barney would be:
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
Extracting the Roman numerals, we have:
C - V - V - L - D - I - V
And their decimal equivalents are:
100 - 5 - 5 - 50 - 500 - 1 - 5
Adding those numbers produces:
666
666 is the number of the Beast.
Proven: BARNEY IS SATAN!
