MANUAL FOR CHANGING YOUR OWN
OIL
---prepared in advance for
the information highway of the third millennium --
Step 1. Put
on some old clothes that you are ready to give away.
Step 2. Get
some old rags that you are ready to throw away.
Step 3. Place
some newspaper under the car and hope the wind doesn't blow it away.
Step 4. Get
the following items. A whole bunch of
different size wrenches. Some prefer an
adjustable wrench, but these have been called "knuckle busters" as
the wrench frequently slips and one bangs his knuckles on the tie rods. Next get a new oil filter, and at least 5
quarts of oil. If the oil is in cans you will need a "church
key." Oh Yes, be sure to get a
large dish pan to catch the oil in.
Step 5. Now
go under the car. Hopefully you have
decided against an adjustable wrench.
So take all the other wrenches with you as you never know which one you
will need. Find the right bolt to
remove. The wrong one will drain the
transmission. Find the wrench that fits
the bolt and remove it. If you drop the bolt in the pan you are in big trouble.
Step 6 Locate
the oil filter and remove it. In some
models you have to remove the right front wheel. Others require removing the engine. If your car is old enough, you can remove the filter by only
raising the hood. Now if you don't have
strong hands you will need a special filter wrench. There are several sizes of these and the chances of you getting
the wrong one are real good. So while
the oil is draining you can go to Walmart and buy one (provided you have a
second car) or a bicycle. Skates might do if you have good sidewalks.
Step 7 After
you remove the wheels, or the engine or whatever, and if you have successfully
removed the old filter, carefully put the new one in place and screw it on hand
tight.
Step 8 Now
get back under the car and try to remember where you put the oil plug
bolt. If you dropped it in the pan with
the oil, you will have to crawl back out and drag the oil pan with you and then
find some safe way to dispose of all that oil so you can get your oil pan bolt
out of the oil.
Step 10 Next
crawl back under and put the bolt in place.
Screw it in carefully and tighten with the same wrench you used to
remove it. If you have gotten this
far...you should be encouraged.
Step 11 Now
crawl out and proceed to locate the dip stick.
Generally you will find it under the hood. And remember that's the thing you check the oil with and that
may be where the new oil goes. You may
need a funnel. If you don't have one
and you may have to go back to Walmart.
But, be sure you know where the oil goes or you may have to buy an
engine manual for your make and model car.
Walmart may have that too and you can make this last trip count. If you
are traveling on skates a certain degree of difficulty will be added to
your trip as the book may be heavy and you need both arms swinging freely for
best skating results (see our skaters manual for more information on this
point.)
Step 12 Once
you locate the proper place to put the new oil, go ahead and place the funnel
in place and pour in the new oil. Just go ahead and use all 5 quarts as you may
have to add oil if you made a mistake.
If you omitted step 7 you may lose all the oil if you crank the engine.
Step 13 If
all went well, you are now ready to throw away all your clothes, the oily paper
from under the car and start making calls to environmental protection people as
to how to dispose of your old oil. You
have done well. Remember, you may need to siphon a little gas out of the tank
to wash your hands. But, this too is no
problem just follow our clear instructions in "Eight ways to successfully
siphon gasoline"
Step 14 Now
with the oil removed from your hands, face, and other body parts, hose yourself
off and go inside take a shower and if someone asks "Did you take a
shower?" You can respond jokingly,
"NO, is one missing." This should get a laugh.
Step 15 If
the car will still run, then you can take your savings by having done this
yourself and take your wife out to supper.
‑‑‑ Bic Parker ‑‑‑