OWNERS MANUAL FOR THE HAIR DRYER

 

--Advanced preparation for the information highway of 2001, and for the generation of tomorrow. --

 

When you purchased your hair dryer, you probably thought it would be easy to use.  But, just because your barber or hairdresser could dry and style your hair so easily, it doesn't mean that this is an ideal "do it yourself" project.  But, never fear, Bic Parker's here.

 

Years ago hair was dried in the sun.  After shampooing, one would go outside and sit on a stump (there is no shade on a stump). Then while reading  a "big-little book" the hair would dry naturally.  This worked well for those in sunny climates.  But, in areas where there is always fog or haze or smog it didn't work so well.  So, hair dryers were invented.

 

A hair dryer fits over the head and allows warm/hot air to blow over the hair and scalp.  Styling is accomplish­ed by rolling up the hair into desirable patterns using hair pins, or wire gadgets that resemble a rolling pin, except on a much smaller scale.  Often a movie magazine can be used to copy a pattern of the first lady or a certain celebrity.  BTW, a rolling pin is not a reference to a straight pin spinning on a table after having been dropped.  Rather it refers to a hand held gadget formerly used to spread out biscuit dough.  If interested in this item, please contact the Smithsonian Institute or see our booklet on pins that roll "dough" (no pun intended with money)

 

A blow dryer, on the other hand is better for drying and styling without pins or needles or rolling pins or whatever.  Generally men use blow dryers, but in recent years more women use these than men.

 

There is one caution we want to bring to your attention. On many world wide units there is a voltage selection switch for selecting either 120 volts or 240 volts.  If you are not sure of the voltage, there are several ways to go about finding out.  One is to go to Radio Shack and purchase a volt meter and actually measure the voltage.

 

But then some character suggested that one could put his finger in the socket and measure the "ouch."  The larger "ouch" would be 240 volts. We want you to know right now that we frown on this technique as danger is associated with it.  Don't do it.

 


Perhaps a good rule of thumb would be that if you are in the United States you are using 120 volts and if in Great Britain or one of its subsidiaries, 240 volts.  If you are in some other country we suggest you contact an official with the department of public utilities.  These have been known to be knowledgeable on occasion.

 

In any event, once you are sure, you may select the switch setting to the proper voltage for your locale.

 

Frequently there are two switches on the unit.  One selects between HOT and COLD and the other selects a fan speed of fast and faster.  You may wish to play with these switches while holding your hand over the end where the air comes out.  This will give you a good indication of what to expect when the dryer is placed near your head.  Good point!

 

Your dryer is now initialized and ready for immediate use.  Next take a shower.  Just follow our simple instructions on "How to Take a Shower" (another Bic Parker exclusive).  After you have dressed or at least wrapped a towel around your waist, then proceed to prepare for styling and drying.  You will need at least a styling comb, or a brush.  Older people with thin hair may use some thickener.  Don't forget conditioners and hair spray. Hair spray reminds me of a cross between lacquer thinner and a spiders web.  It dries fast and feels like a very stiff web.  It's spongy like foam rubber.

 

For some hair, drying alone is enough.  For unruly hair, you may need a combination of ingredients (Not a commercial for Anacin).

 

For example suppose you are a pretty young woman and you want bangs.  Well, one way is to spray a lot of conditioner and hair spray onto the few hairs designed to make the big bang.  There are many theories on the big-bang.  But, regardless, the best idea is to dry rapidly while trying to pull the designated hair away from the face using a styling comb.

 

We don't recommend the big bang because people who believe this usually ends up pulling their hair anyway.  Find another style and use less heat and spray.  You'll probably look better anyway.

 

This subject is so complex that we could never cover all the possibilities.  We will therefore leave you with this thought.  If you don't like the way your own hair looks...how do you think you will like a wig or a hair piece?  Take care of your hair, successful hair transplants may still be a few years off.

 

--Bic Parker --

 

Return to Humor Menu